entre les trous de la mémoire

I've had this song stuck in my head all day...

So many things are going on right now. And I'm tired and drained. But when things are over, I feel a part of me is gone. And the amazing thing is that, every single thing you do affects a living person, either yourself's or somebody else's. If you think about it, everything is once in a lifetime. Nothing happens the same way twice. I feel like I'm living in two parrallel worlds right now: one I belong to, one I can fit into. And thus I shift my identity back and forth. Not like some people, they blend the two together so well that they don't realize the difference. Or some others have only one from the beginning to the end. It dissipates energy when shifting around, and I guess that's why I'm drained. Somedays I feel like a Thomas Schell who uses a notepad and a pen to talk. I'm confused about my identity, and it doesn't help by reading the info on my id card. I need another one, the kind that says more than just your height and weight, but tells you who you really are. And it seems like what I want to do is way different from what I would like to do and what I can do. They form an equilateral traingle, and I'm standing on the orthocenter point trying to reach one of them. I'm turning 19 a week from now, I need to figure things out.

Tomorrow, I'm going to start on an intern for which I went through countless interviews and tests these past weeks. And I now don't even want to look at my visual schedule, it hurts my eyes.

But after all, I can rest in His arms.

K. I've been waiting for half a year since last november for this one event-Ballard jazzfestival which takes place twice a year usually, one in november and one in april. Last time I didn't go for various reasons, can't recall the details, but I think it was in the midst of my midterms and also that more than 60% of the venues were 21+ admission. Anyways, good news is that it's finally here again, as it promised :)

Here's the brief schdule.
Wednesday, April 22 - Brotherhood of the Drum
Thursday, April 23 - Guitar Summit
Friday, April 24 - Ballard Jazz Walk (this one is massive...)
Saturday, April 25 - Mainstage Concert
Sunday, April 26 - Swedish Pancake Jazz Brunch

Pretty much the only one I really wanna go to is the jazz walk, the thing is it's on a friday night...so will see. This time I'll make it to at least one of them, no matter what. I've waited for 6 months, heck yeah have to go ;)