"Let me at thy throne of mercy
find a sweet relief,
kneeling there in deep contrition;
help my unbelief.
Trusting only in thy merit,
would I seek thy face;
heal my wounded, broken spirit,
save me by thy grace.
Thou the spring of all my comfort,
more than life to me,
whom have I on earth beside thee?
Whom in heaven but thee?
Pass me not, O gentle Savior,
hear my humble cry;
while on others thou art calling,
do not pass me by."
I've been going around telling people that the last time St. Valentine's Day and Chinese Lunar New Year landed on the same day was 56 years ago! And after today, the next time will be in 2048. So, it's a pretty big deal, at least in China it is. Apparently my parents were very indecisive about what to do on this special day. They wanted to have their own activities, but then it's also the day for family-get-together and stuff. So that amused me, and I wonder what they ended up doing.
This movie merely presents the life of a man who once lived. Nothing more.
Life's been hectic since the very second I got back from the break. It was very difficult to readjust to the fast pace within one day and catch up on school. For the past couple of weeks, I've been changing the way I used to treat myself. I now go to bed before the clock strikes midnight every night and get up at 7 the latest. I get an hour reading and devotional time in the morning, and that starts my day right. I haven't had coffee since the beginning of the quarter. Strange how I don't need it any more. Also, no more long naps during the day has been very helpful. I'm still less motivated to go jogging, but I've been doing it at least twice a week. This new system is great. It's amazing how much more my productivity has gone up that I can steal an entire evening during the week to do some other stuff. However, this system has a drawback. It requires a lot alone time, which means I don't even get to spend time with my study buddies (because studying in groups isn't as efficient you know what I mean...). And I only see some of my friends on Sabbath day. I just need to figure out how to reduce some of my alone time within the new system. Maybe I can use my evening off to make human connections instead of playing chess against the machine and never win.
This site has killed my longing for grad school. If you don't plan to become a grad student, the site is good for some giggles. For its complete archive click here.
I'm flying out tomorrow, to the other side of the globe. I really look forward to seeing my parents, but the 15 hour flight is not going to be so pleasant. And I have to go to the airport in the morning. Among all non-geographic locations, airport is my least favorite. I dislike the experience of getting to the airport, going through customs and security, and waiting for hours at the gate before you get on board. It's often a rather dreadful procedure. But that's not the only negative airport feeling I get. For me, it doesn't matter where I'm heading, whether a place I like or not. It's the feeling of "leaving" saddens me. I like places that I can grow attached to and airport doesn't do it for me. It is cold, impersonal and unfriendly in some ways. Though, I do love picking up people at the airport, it is always delightful.
War, is the stage of life I'm at. And it has only just begun.
Rediscovered my Emily Dickinson collection today while organizing closets, sat down and read this:
I could sing of His Love forever. That's right!
I preached (kind of) for the very first time tonight. It didn't go as smoothly as I would like it to. Went blank and stumbled over my second language a couple of times. BUT, nonetheless, I did it. To me, it was a huge deal. Public speaking has been one of my biggest fears, and especially preaching, I'd never thought I would deliver a message someday. Now I have had my breakthrough, I know He will continue to give me the courage and strength that I need to reach higher goals. And it doesn't matter if I just take baby steps.
When I read "You have never disappointed me..." on the bus the other day, all at a sudden I felt an heavenly arm wrapping around me, and it was SUCH a great relief! I felt like I had never fully understood before. It was hard to not tear up at that moment. It was the best realization ever.
My character has been rapidly shaped recently. It's an interesting feeling. I feel like I'm becoming more real, more direct with people and as well as the way I communicate with God. Breaking out of an eggshell, is a fitting analogy to describe my current stage.
I've been trying real hard to burn the "list" I have kept. And I'm so amazed how unbelievably well this process is going. It's so hard to imagine that Jesus lives in us, like literally. God is able, and He has enabled me in so many unexpected good ways. I can't believe how determined I am when dealing with things now. I'm grateful for the people He's brought into my life, His way of using people is incredible. I can hardly wait for His next steps. Growing can be painful but beautiful at the same time. At the end, it will be all rewarding.
Je sais qu'avec Jésus je suis fort. C'est vrai. :)
So, my internship contract ends in two days, which means starting from friday I'll be the "freest" person for at least two weeks, which means I'll be unemployed till whenever I find a suitable position somewhere.
But that's not my point. What I was trying to say was that I finally have some free time of my own, after almost a year, and I'm excited about it! I need a break and some good rest. I will after all have time to study for my first acturary exam, which I've been putting off for the last three months or so. I will also have time for cooking, guitaring and diving into some good reads. There are so many things I want to do during this break, and I can really use some motivations.
I have goals for the break, and to exaggerate a little, I want it to be a turning point of my life. Yes, it's that serious ;)
Ok, what I was REALLY trying to say was, I have time to hang out! Yeah, I know, when I'm finally free, everybody else is busy...shoot! But hey, just in case you have some free time or lucky enough to get a day off or something. Call me up!
you've striked hard but never enough
you've hidden your heart yet exposed the tail
you've repined for treasures only the false ones
you've blown everything to sacrifice for something cherished
why be bitter; why resent
what have I given
the humble expect nothing
O Father, take my troubles away
for I know in your purpose I am worthy
no past
no future
the present, I long to live in
Last night, I dug out an old message a friend sent me over a year ago after I turned 18, and I simply couldn't help holding back my tears. It meant so much and still means a lot to me. Things have changed. And it almost feels nostalgic.
Cherish the ones you love, and enjoy every single second you spend with them. I know it sounds like a cliche. But, really, don't take them for granted.
I love you friend. And please keep smiling.
Interesting stuff...
Using only song names from ONE ARTIST, cleverly answer these questions. Pass it on to 15 people you like and include me. You can't use the band I used. Try not to repeat a song title. It's a lot harder than you think! Re-post as "my life according to (band name)"
Pick your Artist:
Yusuf Islam (Cat Stevens)
Are you a male or female:
Lady
Describe yourself:
On The Road To Find Out
How do you feel:
I'm So Sleepy
Describe where you currently live:
Wild World
If you could go anywhere, where would you go:
Heaven/Where True Love Goes
Your favorite form of transportation:
Peace Train
Your best friend is:
Jesus
You and your best friends are:
Father And Son
Your favorite color is:
Into White
What's the weather like:
Silent Sunlight
Favorite time of day:
Midday(Avoid City After Dark)
If your life was a TV show, what would it be called:
Roadsinger
What is life to you:
It's a Supa (Dupa) Life
Your relationships:
Whispers From A Spiritual Garden
Your last relationship:
How Can I Tell You
Your fear:
This Glass World
What is the best advice you can give:
One Day At A Time
If you could change your name, you would change it to:
Lilywhite
Thought for the Day:
I Think I See The Light
How I would like to die:
But I Might Die Tonight
My soul's present condition:
Miles From Nowhere
My motto:
Dream On (Until...)
I pray for a peaceful mind. I want it more than anything. It's easy to get yourself lost in a world of chaos. The devil is a strategist who always finds ways to turn your focus to men, makes you think that you have to be like the rest of the world and look down on yourself for various reasons.
I would sometimes spend hours to sort out my thoughts, and each time I end up drowning in a state of blindness and confusion. This battle makes me shiver, it is happening and I long for the end and victory.
"Peace, be still." So easy to say, when the words don't mean anything. May it be my prayer for you too.
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